Direct marketing: the direct approach

October 6, 2009

Under the name Modesto Unula, I have sent myself an email with the heading, “Love is gone.”

I believe in signs, so I opened it, slightly nervously. Inside I was surprised to see an absolutely star piece of copywriting. It was copywriting I’d be proud to have done myself, so I thought I’d like to share it:

Age is something heavy

Your after-50 age is a press for your weenie that doesn’t allow it to stay when you want it to. What can lighten the load and make you a man that can satisfy her? Products from our e-store can! Over 100 of them, different prices, different types of action. You choose and you never lose.

The poetic touch in that headline really got to me. Age: it sure is heavy, it’s downright depressing in the wrong light. And then, we’re all prey to gravity. I love the way this depressing gravity works on both the metaphorical level and the all-too-physical one. It weighs you down, and it also literally presses your weenie down.

Nobody wants that. And if 50 really is the new 40, we want to think we’ve got another 25 good years ahead of us.

Then: the solution! Once you’ve thoroughly connected up your spiritual and your physical wellbeing, the sell. Bang! Not only the call to action – it’s a call to 100 different types of action. Four a year for the next 25 years.

It’s beautiful.

It’s so good that I started to wonder if this is the kind of stuff they’re talking about on all those freelance job sites, where people want writers “with English as a Mother Tongue” to write “direct marketing letters,” “articles” and “short product descriptions.”

Anyway, I hope I was well remunerated, because it’s class work. I’m sure it must be a sign after all.

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3 Responses to “Direct marketing: the direct approach”

  1. […] is the poetry version of today’s post on Text Pixels. It’s essentially a copywriting post, but with a poetry element – and it is also part […]

  2. Andy said

    That’s up there with the best spam I’ve read. I hate it when it looks like you’ve sent it yourself though.

  3. […] is the poetry version of today’s post on Text Pixels. It’s essentially a copywriting post, but with a poetry element – and it is also part […]

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