it’s work, Jim…

Those were the days, my friend…

Okay, so I had good intentions here. But then I started a full-time contract, just as it got to be that terrible dark pre-Christmas time, and then three days into the job I got flu. A proper, stay-in-bed, something-is-driving-knives-into-my-throat virus. Now I’m back on the job and, a week later, still coughing a bit, but it’s better. I’m sure I’ll have some wit and wisdom for you son, as I ease myself – okay, plunge myself – back into the full-time life. Like the whitewater, pulsing with salmon, where the whole world you know is perpetually crowded – because you’re always either in the rush hour, doing your errands on a Saturday with everybody else, or queueing in the lunch hour with tout le monde – the neighbourhood you live in seems to become an artificial construct, and  seeing the inside of your own home during daylight is a rude shock. We all move around together, unable to bear too much individual action, and strangely obsessed with a need for archived email trails. If I start thinking the emails need printing out, shoot me!

Having said all which, it is good to have the chance to do what I’m good at, for proper money, none of that freeloaders-online rubbish, and have plans, and meet some people, and sit in meetings in proper clothes, with tights, and proper shoes, and talk about how the average employer has a reading age of 11 and the need to CUT JARGON.

Yes, yes…

a T shirt is for Christmas, not just for life

Dear Santa,

Please make Howies bring back their wonderful T shirt with this design on it! It was their best one, like, EVER and now they don’t have it at Christmas! I can’t believe they wanted to miss an opportunity like this.  We are still in the recession and we still need encouragement and moral support as much as we did last March. And it is so great when people get excited and make things! I was personally going to give away about three of these T shirts.

Please, Santa, write to Howies and see what you can do.

Thank you. I have been very good this year.

Your friend,

the Text Pixie

 

“make that a double portion of sea kittens, please”

or: “How To Use PR to Make People Do the Opposite of What You Want”

PETA, the animal rights group, has launched a campaign to get us to stop eating fish – by giving them a cute image. Armed with nothing but the Power of Words, and some fairly sickmaking Saturday-morning-style cartooning, they have decided to make us love fish as if they were kittens. Here’s the blurb:

People don’t seem to like fish. They’re slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you’re swimming, and the big ones—well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.

So, basically, don’t take anything we say too seriously. It’s only pretend anyway. That sharks are sea kittens who’ll only scratch your face. Even the very first sentence invites the reader to retort, “Well, I like fish.”

Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy—stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You’ve done enough damage, buddy. We’ve got it from here. And we’re going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

Who is this aimed at? Why is the key message the very last thing the reader gets to? And that’s only the plucky reader who can wade through “fire the PR guy – stat” – whatever that means – and Britney, and “you’ve done enough damage, buddy,” and “retiring the old name,” and then a rather interesting point about the verb “to fish” – which is only, however, implied, not named – before finally, finally, gasping with the effort of keeping all of that straight, stumbling upon the words “sea kitten.” Ohhh. Thinks the reader. And then (if PETA is lucky) reads it again to see what the hell it was all about.

I know PETA is all about the shock tactic, the skinned crocodiles and fur coats dripping blood, the in-your-face posters on the tube, all that. But sea kittens? Is this aimed at kids? Who else is going to want to make their own sea kitten? I really don’t think the twenty-something vegetarians are going to get that stoned that they want to come home and read the unintentionally funny Struwwelpeter-meets-Lemony-Snicket “Sea Kitten Stories” before their comedown. And I don’t think they’re really suitable for children.

Part of me wants to like it. Why not be silly? You ca n just picture the meeting. But this lacks focus, it lacks a strong central message. They buried their central message under a ton of jokes aimed over their audience’s heads.

And everybody I’ve run it past so far has said it makes them want to eat fish. My brother said, “I’d order a double portion if there were sea kitten on the menu!” (And he has two kids. And a cat.)

Fire the PR guy – stat!

(And many thanks to Brokenbottleboy, who alerted me to the campaign in the first place.)

copywriter’s downfall

Okay, I know it’s sad. But I like spoof Downfall videos. I’m not taking anything away from that magisterial film by liking them. And now my friend Ben has made one, and it might be my favourite one yet. Well – it would be.

However, let’s just let it be known that we here at Text Pixels do not endorse bullying in the workplace. This isn’t the moment to go into what Mr Hitler’s other strategies could have been for dealing with that issue, without demotivating his staff or affecting the work of the employee engagement team.

how to make people stop

Some people: not these three.

My only caveat with this excellent video is that I think it could apply equally well in any sector. I’ve had these experiences in local authorities and all sorts – but of course at the time I thought it was because people in the public sector knew less about design and branding than people in the private sector! Now I know. It’s human nature.

Many thanks to Clare at Goodcopybadcopy for the link.

copyediting in Toronto

It’s the same the world over. But at the Toronto Star it’s a little bit more the same than in some other places. They’ve just announced the outsourcing of 100 sub-editing jobs…

One sub has replied in kind, with an active demonstration of exactly how skilled his job is and why the paper needs him and his colleagues to stay.

Click the picture to embiggen and see the whole story on the Torontoist blog; and thanks to @nickcohen2 for the link.